IMPORTANT HEALTH INFORMATION
Do you have feelings of inadequacy?
Do you suffer from shyness?
Do you sometimes wish you were more assertive?
If you answered yes to any of these questions, ask your doctor or pharmacist
about Cabernet Sauvignon.
Cabernet Sauvignon is the safe, natural way to feel better and more
confident about yourself and your actions. It can help ease you out of your
shyness and let you tell the world that you're ready and willing to do just
about anything.
You will notice the benefits of Cabernet Sauvignon almost immediately and,
with a regimen of regular doses, you can overcome any obstacles that prevent you
from living the life you want to live.
Shyness and awkwardness will be a thing of the past and you will discover
many talents you never knew you had.
Stop hiding and start living.
Cabernet Sauvignon may not be right for everyone. Women who are pregnant or
nursing should not use it. However, women who wouldn't mind nursing or becoming
pregnant are encouraged to try it.
Side effects may include: dizziness, nausea, vomiting, incarceration, loss
of motor control, loss of clothing, loss of money, loss of virginity,
delusions of grandeur, table dancing, headache, dehydration, dry mouth, and a
desire to sing Karaoke and play all-night rounds of Strip Poker, Truth Or Dare,
and Naked Twister.
WARNINGS:
* The consumption of Cabernet Sauvignon may make you think you are
whispering when you are not.
* The consumption of Cabernet Sauvignon may cause you to tell your friends over
and over again that you love them.
* The consumption of Cabernet Sauvignon may cause you to think you can sing.
* The consumption of Cabernet Sauvignon may create the illusion that you are
tougher, smarter, faster and better looking than most people.
Please feel free to share this important information with as many women as
you feel may benefit!
Now just imagine what you could achieve with a good Shiraz.
One morning, three Newfoundlanders and three Albertans were in a ticket counter
line at a train station. The three Albertans each bought a ticket and watched as
the three Newfies bought just one ticket. 'How are the three of you going to
travel on only one ticket?' asked one of the Albertans. 'Watch and learn,'
answered one of the Newfies.All six boarded the train where the three Albertans
sat down, but the three Newfies crammed into a toilet together and closed the
door. Shortly after the train departed, the conductor came around to collect
tickets.
He knocked on the toilet door and said, 'Ticket, please. 'The door opened just a
crack and a single arm emerged with a ticket in hand. The conductor took it and
moved on. The Albertans saw this happen and agreed it was quite a clever idea.
Indeed, so clever they decided to do the same thing on the return trip and save
some money.
That afternoon when they got back to the station, they bought a single ticket
for the return trip and watched, while to their astonishment, the three Newfies
didn't buy even one ticket!' How are you going to travel without a ticket?'
asked a perplexed Albertan. 'Watch and learn,' answered the three Newfie boys in
unison. When they boarded the train, the three Albertans crammed themselves into
a toilet and the three Newfies crammed into another toilet just down the way.
Shortly after the train began to move, one of the Newfies left the toilet and
walked over to the toilet in which the Albertans were hiding.
The Newfie knocked on the door and said, 'Ticket, please.
A doctor in St John's Newfoundland wanted to get off work and go hunting, so he
approached his janitor. "I am goin' huntin' tomorrow Buddy and don't want to
close the clinic. I want you to take care of the clinic and take care of all my
patients and I'll give you fifty bucks."
"Yes, sir!" answers Buddy.
The doctor goes hunting and returns the following day and asks: "So, Buddy, How
was your day?"
Buddy told him that he took care of three patients. "The first one had a
Headache so I gave him TYLENOL."
"Bravo Buddy! The second one?" asks the doctor.
"The second one had a bad stomach and I gave him MAALOX, sir." says Buddy.
"Bravo, bravo! You're good at this and what about the third one?" asks the
Doctor.
"Well Sir, I was sitting here having a smoke and suddenly the door flies opens
and a woman enters. Like a flame, she undresses herself, taking off everything
including her bra and her panties and lies down on the table and shouts: HELP ME
- I haven't seen a man in over two years
"Lard Tunderin' Yeezus, Buddy!!! What did you do?"
I put drops in her eyes!!
A Newfoundlander walked into the local welfare office to pick up his cheque. He
marched straight up to the counter and said,
"Hi. You know, I just HATE drawing welfare. I'd really rather have a job."
The social worker behind the counter said, 'Your timing is excellent. We just
got a job opening from a very wealthy old man who wants a Chauffeur and
bodyguard for his beautiful daughter. You'll have to drive around in his 2009
Mercedes-Benz CL, and he will supply all of your clothes. Because of the long
hours, meals will be provided. You'll also be expected to escort the daughter on
her overseas holiday trips. This is rather awkward to say but you will also have
as part of your job assignment to satisfy her sexual urges as the daughter is in
her mid-20's and has a rather strong sex drive.
The Newfie , just plain wide-eyed, said, ' You're bsn' me!'
The social worker said, ' Yeah, well . . You started it.
THIS WAS VOTED THE BEST SHORT JOKE OF 2007
For his birthday, little Joseph asked for a 10-speed bicycle. His father said,
"Son, we'd give you one, but the mortgage on this house is $280,000 and your
mother just lost her job. There's no way we can afford it." The next day the
father saw little Joseph heading out the front door with a suitcase. So he
asked, "Son, where are you going?" Little Joseph told him; "I was walking past
your room last night and heard you telling mom you were pulling out. Then I
heard her tell you to wait because she was coming too. And I'll be damned if I'm
staying here by myself with a $280,000 mortgage and no bike!
What's in a name??
The famous Olympic skier Picabo Street (pronounced Pee-Ka-Boo) is not just an
athlete...she is now a nurse, currently working at an Intensive Care Unit of a
large
metropolitan hospital.
She is not permitted to answer the hospital telephones
any
longer. It caused too much confusion when she would answer the phone and say,
Picabo, I.C.U.
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