News Reporter & The Pilot
His request approved, the Fox News photographer quickly used a cell phone to
call the local airport to charter a flight.
He was told a twin-engine plane would be waiting for him at the airport.
Arriving at the airfield, he spotted a plane warming up outside a hanger.
He jumped in with his bag, slammed the door shut, and shouted, 'Let's go'.
The pilot taxied out, swung the plane into the wind and took off.
Once in the air, the photographer instructed the pilot, 'Fly over the valley and
make low passes so I can take pictures of the fires on the hillsides.'
'Why?' asked the pilot.
'Because I'm a photographer for Fox Cable News,' he responded. 'And I need to
get some close up shots.'
The pilot was strangely silent for a moment, finally he stammered,
'So, what you're telling me, is ........... you're NOT my flight instructor?'
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Airline Announcements
United Flight Attendant announced, 'People, people we're not picking out
furniture here, find a seat and get in it!
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On landing, the stewardess said, 'Please be sure to take all of your
belongings. If you're going to leave anything, please make sure it's
something we'd like to have. '
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'There may be 50 ways to leave your lover, but there are only 4 ways out of this
airplane'
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An airline pilot wrote that on this particular flight he had hammered
his ship into the runway really hard. The airline had a policy which
required the first officer to stand at the door while the passengers
exited, smile, and give them a 'Thanks for flying our airline.' He said
that, in light of his bad landing, he had a hard time looking the
passengers in the eye, thinking that someone would have a smart comment.
Finally everyone had gotten off except for a little old lady walking
with a cane.
She said, 'Sir, do you mind if I ask you a question?'
'Why, no, Ma'am,' said the pilot. 'What is it?'
The little old lady said, 'Did we land, or were we shot down?'
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As the plane landed and was coming to a stop at Ronald Reagan, a lone voice came
over the loudspeaker: 'Whoa, big fella, WHOA!'
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After a particularly rough landing during thunderstorms in Memphis, a
flight attendant on a Northwest flight announced, 'Please take care when opening
the overhead compartments because sure as hell everything has shifted after a
landing like that.'
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Another flight attendant's comment on a less than perfect landing: 'We ask you
to please remain seated as Captain Kangaroo bounces us to the terminal.'
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Overheard on an American Airlines flight into Amarillo , Texas on a
particularly windy and bumpy day: During the final approach, the
Captain was really having to fight it. After an extremely hard landing,
the Flight Attendant said, 'Ladies and Gentlemen, welcome to Amarillo ..
Please remain in your seats with your seat belts fastened while the
Captain taxis what's left of our airplane to the gate!'
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'Your seat cushions can be used for flotation; and, in the event of an
emergency water landing, please paddle to shore and take them with our
compliments.'
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'As you exit the plane, make sure to gather all of your belongings.
Anything left behind will be distributed evenly among the flight
attendants. Please do not leave children or spouses........except for
that gentleman over there.'
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Heard on Southwest Airlines just after a very hard landing in Salt Lake
City . The flight attendant came on the intercom and said, 'That was
quite a bump, and I know what y'all are thinking. I'm here to tell you
it wasn't the airline's fault, it wasn't the pilot's fault, it wasn't
the flight attendant's fault, it was the asphalt.'
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After a real crusher of a landing in Phoenix , the attendant came on
with, 'Ladies and Gentlemen, please remain in your seats until Capt.
Crash and the Crew have brought the aircraft to a screeching halt
against the gate. And, once the tire smoke has cleared and the warning bells are
silenced, we'll open the door and you can pick your way through the wreckage to
the terminal.'
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Part of a flight attendant's arrival announcement: 'We'd like to thank
you folks for flying with us today. And, the next time you get the
insane urge to go blasting through the skies in a pressurized metal
tube, we hope you'll think of US Airways..'
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Heard on a Southwest Airline flight - 'Ladies and gentlemen, if you wish to
smoke, the smoking section on this airplane is on the wing and if you can light
'em, you can smoke 'em.'
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A plane was taking off from Kennedy Airport . After it reached a
comfortable cruising altitude, the captain made an announcement over the
intercom, 'Ladies and gentlemen, this is your captain speaking.
Welcome to Flight Number 293, nonstop from New York to Los Angeles .
The weather ahead is good and, therefore, we should have a smooth and
uneventful flight. Now sit back and relax.... OH, MY GOD!' Silence
followed, and after a few minutes, the captain came back on the intercom
and said, 'Ladies and Gentlemen, I am so sorry i f I scared you earlier.
While I was talking to you, the flight attendant accidentally spilled a
cup of hot coffee in my lap. You should see the front of my pants!'
A passenger in Coach yelled, 'That's nothing. You should see the back
of mine!'
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